Daily News Gazette

Nevada

2009-02-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

For some reason, all the television shows have been mentioning some state I have never heard of before.

NeVAAAAAAAWWWWWWda.

Where is that place? I think it's next to California, but the only state I can think of that's even close to this Nevaaaawwwwda is Nevada pronouced with an 'a' as in 'cat'.

Nevaawwwwwda?

Trashcan Chicken

2009-02-05T15:16:00.001-08:00

Been playing trashcan chicken for a few months.

I'm winning.

New Songs for Today, Old Songs for Tomorrow

2008-10-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

Timorerry Jones

Oh Timorerry Jones he had a cat,

Had a cat,

Oh yes he had a cat.

Oh Timorerry Jones he had a cat.

YES! He had a cat.

(Repeat with random items that one can own)

Fava Bean

Fava Bean,

What have you seen,

Do you know my uncle?

Fava Bean,

Where have you been,

Have you met my aunt?

Henry Kissenger's Menagerie

Henry Kissenger had a cat,

Had a cat,

Had a cat.

Henry Kissenger had a cat,

It's name was Betsy Kissenger.

(Repeat with other animals (always name Betsy Kissenger))

Russian Folk Tunes

Your mom smells.

She eats bacon,

And is a Czechoslovakian.

Slylock Fox

2008-09-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

It's the greatest newspaper puzzle section of all times. I just cannot believe how wonderful Slylock Fox is. Slylock Fox allows children to excerce both hemispheres of the brain by solving mysteries and drawing pictures of orangutans. Scratch that, everyone young and old can do some brain aerobics with Slylock Fox. Why, today, I learned that cheese can be used to describe cheeses made from various types of milk, including CAMEL. Where else will you learn that? Uncle Richard's Fun Gazebo?

Today's Slylock Fox in particular tickled my adenoids (because I laughed so hard). Featuring a deli pig with a difficult question, this puzzle taught me about friendly social interactions and defusing difficult situations with a witty remark. The deli pig asked Slylock Fox what he weighed, and guess what Slylock's ingenious reply was?

That's right.

"You weigh deli meats!"

Genius. What a great way to both answer the question without insulting the deli pig and without actually answering the question. Children should all emulate Slylock Fox and learn to use their brains (both hemispheres) in all sorts of situations. Scratch that, we should all use our brains more and read more Slylock Fox.

Great Idea

2008-08-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

Bagels with Beards.

Neglected to Mention

2008-06-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am making a game for EEEEEEEGRA dot com. More specifically, for a contest.

THIS CONTEST

The only game about sorting laundry ever made.

Four Restaurant (sort of) Reviews

2008-05-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

Cha Chaan Tengs are a part of everyone's life. They serve food at all hours. Breakfast! Lunch! Tea! Dinner! Midnight bum snack! Cha chaan tengs are great! Here is a review of four of them.

Noriega

ABC Bakery and Cafe

My least favorite. Low quality food combined with a milk tea that grates the teeth. Their beef is rangy, and most of their dishes taste somewhat strange and grainy. Their prices are somewhat higher than the alternatives on Noriega, so skip this place if anthing else is open. Only go here if you are in need of a very late night snack because they are open until three in the morning. At three in the morning, nobody cares what food tastes like. Their chestnut buns are not very chestnutty, but nobody in the world makes decent chestnut desserts, except for the grumpy old man in London.

Tak Kee (De Ji in Mandarin)

I go here every week. Their breakfasts are a deal and a steal, and their teatime snacks are more like a teatime meal, especially the soup noodles. Food quality is pretty high, and they have an decent traditional Chinese menu. I like their milk tea because it actually tastes like tea, and it is always hotter than the sun. Plus they are super inexpensive. Great! excellent. This is a decent cha chaan teng for everyday meals and take-out. Their porridge is pretty good too (but not as good as the old place downtown). Convenient, tasty, and inexpensive.

Irving

Macau Something or Other

I don't remember the exact name of this tiny cafe, but I was not impressed. First, they are closed for teatime hours. Second, their food is not very exciting. It's better than ABC (doesn't taste nasty) but everything is bland bland bland and overpriced (compared to other cha chaan tengs). I didn't get a chance to try their milk tea, but I'm not going back to try it. Not worth the trip. Even if they have sardines. Mmmm... sardines.

Taraval

T-28

The best out of all the cha chaan tengs I've tried. I've only been here twice, but I always want to go here. Good quality (their baked seafood rice had actual mussels in it!) and large portions. Their milk tea is very good, and their set menu includes dessert as well. Mango pudding, anyone? Although T-28 has prices approximate the ones at ABC, the quality of their food totally makes up for that. Only problem: Taraval is way far away (from where I am). Great for those times when you don't want to eat downtown and are too hungry to wait for the N train. They also have the largest selection of porky buns I have seen.

Extra segment: Favorite dishes at cha chaan tengs

Anything with ox tongue/ox tail

Baked seafood rice, even though it gives me lactose stummy ache

Milk tea (duh)

Macaroni soup

Things with fried eggs on top

Eggplants eggplants egg-plants

Television Talk

2008-04-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

Hey! You! Have you seen "The Prisoner"? Well, go watch it, and then write a ten page essay on the meaning of the last episode.

Or just watch it so I can argue about it with you. Besides, I bet you already have a HUGE crush on Patrick McGoohan.

HUGE crush.

Size of a brontosaurus.

Coffee Breath

2008-04-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

I got a job at Starbuxxxxx. I win at interviews!

Bizarre Threats

2008-03-04T23:51:00.000-08:00

Don't tell these to people who are actually threatening you.

1. "I'm going to slice off your nipples with a fruit knife."

2. "See this stick? It's going right through your navel."

3. "I'm going to throw you under a wagon."

4. "If you do that one more time, I'll eat your fingernails."

5. "I'll scar you with this most painful loaf."

6. "I'm sending you to the old man's home minus five inches of entrail."

Secret Project

2008-02-13T23:57:00.000-08:00

I have a secret project that will be revealed. It's for a contest. OHHHH A CONTEST. Track record in contests- won one, forgot to enter a million (two).

Ace Flashman in "Reggiecide"- Part II

2008-01-24T17:51:00.000-08:00

In the last episode, Ace found himself in a figurative sack of angry bees as the elite guards of King Reggie closed in on him. He then flashed back to a time when he accepted an important mission. Today, we will examine some high-tech gear and board a train.

Reggiecide Part 2: Gears and Trains

As an adventurer, Ace Flashman used an impressive amount of gear. Thus, he needed an assistant to keep it organized, and Veronica was that assistant. Her system of organization was flawless, and incomprehensible to Ace. He was ready for adventuring in a matter of hours.

“Thank you honey bunches.” Ace grabbed his last item, a train ticket to Reggieopolis, from Veronica’s hands. “Without you, I would have been ready in weeks, not hours.”

Because they shared a chaste romance, the couple parted with a quick smooch and loving hugs. It was time to travel.

Ace arrived at the train station (with the help of Toby, his immature chauffeur) and boarded the train without hassle, sitting next to a grumpy Hawaiian, who shot dirty looks at the rate of five looks per minute. Soon, the conductor tugged on the whistle, and the train chugged along, quickly reaching its maximum speed of 5,000 miles per hour. Curmudgeonly seatmate aside, this easy ride would be the only one Ace could experience. Ace lost himself in thoughts of adventuring and saving helpless citizens.

Bazoop! A laser beamed past Ace and through the brain of his neighbor, the Hawaiian. “That laser was clearly meant for me.” Ace reached for his favorite weapon, his burly arms. “And these guns are meant for you.”

He swung a fierce right hook at his assailant. The assailant ducked. “Who are you, and what beef do you have with me, Ace Flashman, adventurer,” asked Ace, as his left fist whizzed through the air, connecting not with the stranger, but with air molecules.

His black-clad assailant danced around like a prima donna, dodging every kick, punch, and grapple Ace had. “I am A. Menace. I am a loyal servant of King Reggie, here to stop your filthy task.”

“I see you’re not alone.” Ace picked up his stiff neighbor and threw him at the A. Menace. “You and your laser gun have come to stop me.”

A. Menace bent backwards at a ninety-degree angle, a crafty smile on his evil, pointy face. “Oh, but can you stop us, Sir Flashman? Humans cannot stop lasers! They are not made of reflective material, you muscle dunce.” A. Menace brandished his burnished bronze laser guns, two in his hands, a third in the mutant hand growing from the top of his egg-like head. “And you can see I have three lasers in my three hands.”

Ace Flashman flinched at the sight of the three lasers, but not at the sight of the third arm because he was unprejudiced and a kind soul. Would he be able to stop this three-armed A. Menace?

Next time on "Reggiecide": Ace Flashman has a few tricks up his sleeve, literally!

Question and Answer: Bathroom Reading

2008-01-22T23:45:00.001-08:00

As a descendant of a notorious bathroom reader, here is an important multi-question for people. What is your opinion on bathroom reading, and do you partake in it yourself or do other things such as playing gameboy?

Winner gets a stale raisin bread unless I eat it tonight.

Dinner Crepes

2008-01-18T04:26:00.000-08:00

So yesterday (it's almost five A.M., which means I ate dinner yesterday) I had crepes for dinner! This was a very intelligent and healthy move because the crepes were homemade and filled with oranges. Ignore the part where the crepes were also eaten with a huge amount of chocolate chips and ice cream. Crepes are a healthy choice for dinner! They are also very easy to make, so no recipe this time because there are plenty online and I didn't do anything special. Plus Colton makes MUCH better crepes than I do. Colton's Crepes: delicious, not lumpy, cooked to perfection. Oh yummy.

Next time on "Crepes for Dinner"-

Add some lemon zest

Add the wet ingredients to the flour, not vice versa (lumps)

Savory crepes (too lazy to defrost and fry sausages)(that sounds dirty)

This will not happen today because PARENTS are coming and according to father, we are going to Burger King for dinner (lies, dad hates fast food and is actually Alan Greenspan). (I am also up earlier than five A.M. because parents are coming and I was so excited I couldn't sleep (this has happened before, see Christmas and birthdays and any exciting event).) Saturday sounds like a good day for dinner crepes. This time, they will be savory crepes, with sausages and onions and garlic.

Ace Flashman in "Reggiecide"- Part I

2008-01-11T00:47:00.000-08:00

Reggiecide Part 1: The Mission

Ace Flashman crept along the hedges by King Reginald's royal gardens. Though Ace knew many forms of offense and defense, the red-uniformed king's guards were an elite force, and he could not fend them off alone. He needed stealth to complete this adventure.

Crruck! A branch snapped, and Ace froze as the guards whipped around at the sharp noise. "Blast and gunfire," thought Ace. The guards had noticed his muscular yet sleek form beside the hedges, and were now rushing towards him, the red gleam of murder in their eyes. Leaping upwards into a martial stance, Ace braced himself for the upcoming battle. Why had he accepted this mission?

Three days ago:

"Ace, I have a mission request for you," said Dr. Veronica Brandheart, reading her electronic mail on her tiny handheld computer Marlon. "The poor citizens of Reggiopolis have asked that you free them from the tyrannical claw of their king, King Reginald."

"Why?" grunted Ace, while doing one-handed pushups in Dr. Brandheart's clean and well-decorated office. He was an adventurer, not a man of missions, and though he loved Veronica and helping the oppressed, he did not love missions.

Veronica frowned and flipped her lush auburn locks. "You don't have to ask why! Citizens are being oppressed, and it is your duty to help them. Look, over nine thousand have specifically asked for your help. Read this one. A sad little girl with a stuffed bunny rabbit wrote it. Just. For. You." She handed Marlon to Ace.

Brow furrowed, Ace began to read the pitiful message of Reggiopolis' citizens while still doing push-ups. " Please help us Mr. Ace. My stuffed rabbit Bipsy and me ain't had a bite of bread to eat in five months. We has had to eat only dry grass and yucky roots. King Reggie is mean." There were many more of these messages, each pleading for Ace's help. A single tear fell from his left eye. "My heavens and word, Veronica, I had no idea. How could I refuse this mission request?" Ace stood up, back straight, a determined look on his face. "Get my gear Veronica. I think it's time for a mission."

Next time on "Reggiecide": Ace Flashman gets geared up, and encounters trouble on a train.

Other Noteworthy Items of Interest

2008-01-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

1. Mustang Ranch has been finished. If you have been following this tale, cheer for joy! For those of you who haven't, sorry. It's not the "great American story". Ha ha ha!

2. I forgot to take pictures of my aunt and uncle's scary statunes because I was too engrossed in their book collection. But I did take five hundred million pictures of cats?

"The Adventures of Ace Flashman, Adventurer" character guide

2008-01-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

Here is a guide of all the characters in the new adventure serial story, "The Adventures of Ace Flashman, Adventurer".

Our Two Main Heroes

Ace Flashman- A handsome adventurer out to discover new lands and people. He knows how to defend himself, as well as up to three sheep, one or two monkeys, two and a half damsels, and a boxful of baby animals.

Veronica Brandheart- An extraordinarily intelligent weapons scientist who provides all sorts of gadgetry for our hero. She is also our hero's "eye apple" and shares a chaste romance with him.

As the number of characters grows, so too will this list, so remember to refer back here if you are ever lost, and cannot remember what Young Brandon, Boy Musician, is known for.

Vacation Time

2007-12-28T17:54:00.000-08:00

It's vacation time, and what better place to spend it than my aunt and uncle's house filled with random things! Pictures coming soon.

I Am Superstitious

2007-12-16T21:30:00.000-08:00

So there has to be a fourteenth entry STAT.

I decided there should be some real content here, so some talk about "pataphors." I just realized that about everything I say in public is a pataphor. (I make more sense in writing because I can press the "delete" key. Those of you that see me in person know that my brain sometimes (always) goes into some weird dimension where owls have beards and cats can wear underwear too. ) Two degrees of separation from reality? You bet!

Comparison between metaphor and pataphor:

Metaphor- Her eyes glistened like a duck's back.

Pataphor- Her eyes glistened, the back of the brown duck at William Puff's pond. The duck was searching for bread crumbs thrown by the tourist Saline Brunsby. Saline had bought an entire loaf of discount Wonderbread at the ol' seven and seven just across the street for the express purpose of throwing to the ducks and occasional goose. The geese and ducks did not like each other, and engaged in waterfowl play. (ohhhh bad pun alert!) Saline did not enjoy avian violence, so she tried to limit her bread-throwing activities to areas populated by only ducks. Sometimes, a rowboat would appear and the waterfowl would scatter while Saline waved to the occupants. It was a nice day.

This is a daily occurrence in Alex Land. Please try not to move there.

T.V. Guide Sitcom Summary of My Life

2007-12-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

Alex's Life- Comedy

Alex gets addicted to milk tea and cannot stop drinking it. Meanwhile, Grebenna hides her guinea pigs in a fridge for the winter.

Economics Time-Game

Can you study for economics in time for the big final? With host Gralex Chewin.

Love, Love, Love- Comedy/Drama

All's fair in love and Connect 4. Five friends discuss the turmoil within their hearts. Can Gramie find love overseas without getting tangled in bracelets?

Cat's Hour-Children

We love cats! Pictures of cats for hours upon hours.

Singin' Time

Sing along with the crew! Grarwen, Gronnie, and Gralvin lead the Fun Time Crew during this half-hour of hit tunes and groovy jams.

Hawaiiiiiiiiiiii-Documentary

Everybody loves Hawaii! Say "Aloha" to Grolton, Gralvin, and Greebo as they surf the sights and sounds of the "Watery State of Hell."

3 A.M. Countertenor Hour

2007-12-15T03:14:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, it's Countertenor Hour! That is to say, I will be posting a ton of videos about countertenors. What's that you say? You don't like countertenors? Shame on you.

To start off, here's a video of Russell Oberlin talking about countertenors. I think it's interesting, but if you are a music major, you will not agree with anything, as evidenced by the comments on the page.

Additionally, I think the comments on these classical music videos are the most intelligent Youtube comments ever. Not an impressive label, but I mean, in one video, two guys DO NOT HAVE A FLAME WAR over the issue of Glenn Gough's pianos. That is like watching a bear and a salmon being friends and drinking tea together. It Never Happens.

Next up, here's the video with Russell Oberlin and Glenn Gough.

Glenn Gough is so funny! Just look at him (glenn) gough! My puns are awesome, and you should agree. Oh wait, my puns are horrible.

Here is Alfred Deller singing Purcell. I think he got frozen because he doesn't move in this video, just sits there and gazes into the distance with melancholic eyes. What's wrong, Mr. Deller? Your voice is too high? You fell in a vat of liquid nitrogen? You can sing through your nose? Or are you allergic to roses?

Hmmm, I think I like Deller better, but it may just be the recording. Yeah, it's the recording.

This next dude is no pro, but I put this in because I sang the same aria before. Haha, look, a BOY can sing better than I do. I should get back into singing. Ugh. Word of advice: if you stop singing, at least do vocal excercises every day so when you start singing again you don't sound like a banshee. Yucks.

Yeah, not the greatest performance in the world (needs work on high notes) but it's not bad! Keep up your singing, unknown person. With practice, you'll have a nice countertenor voice.

I like this video! It's nice to see a professional singer practicing with a teacher. I have to say, the voice is an evil music "instrument." So easily screwed up, so easily out of tune, so easily accidentally filled with a chunk of tuna that makes you cough.

Oopsies, he made a screechy noise!

Dear Andreas Scholl STOP Will you please marry me STOP

So smooth. People, nobody needs flashy coloratura sopranos when you can have bespectacled COUNTERTENORS. He looks like a tall owl penguin that can sing.

Andreas Scholl, I apologize for being fickle, but I am a fan of this dude's vibrato. The control! David Daniels is a man who has won an award for looking like a lil' owl.

People, it's time for a Countertenor Showdown.

Here's Scholl singing "Va Tacito."

Here's Daniels singing "Venti Turbini."

Oh what the heck, they both win. Both of these productions are totally crazy anyways. Julius Caesar with paramilitary troops? A man singing to a shoe? Opera, you are weird.

And now for something different: Baritone and Soprano!

The real reason I put this up: I kinda want to own and wear that orange dress to a fancy ball.

Penultimate Post

So cute! So delightful! Doesn't it make you happy? Me too.

Last, another countertenor. But what is this?

Russian Pop? What, this is stupid. (No it's not. Vitas needs to grow his hair out again. Looks better with hair. Jamie you suck for making me listen to this.) I feel sorry for the fish.

Thank you for tuning in to Countertenor Hour. If you don't like countertenors, you probably hate me now. If you actually watched every single video to the end, you really like countertenors, opera, or both. Except maybe the last one. Russian pop?

Vegetable Questions

2007-12-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

Another Alex survey! This time, the survey is all about vegetable eating habits. What type of cooked vegetable do you prefer: crunchier vegetables or mushier vegetables? This is important because sometimes two people will like opposing vegetable textures, and you should know beforehand so nobody will get hurt.

So, crunchy or mushy? Please respond in the comments. I like mushy vegetables.

Lamp Recipe

2007-12-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

I made a typo, but it's funny so it stays.

And yes, NYU, there are Asian lamb recipes, but they are hard to find. Examples: lamb stirfry with loads of onion, Cantonese lamb stew, I can't think of any others.

I was originally going to make Chinese lamb, but I got derailed. But here is the fun lamb recipe. It turned out well!

3 chops of lamb, cut into small pieces

1 onion

3 small roma tomatoes

Some amount of fresh mint

1 tsp of ground cinnamon

2 tsp of basil

1/2 lemon

1 orange

1 clove garlic

cooking oil

sugar!

Marinade:

1. Squeeze the juices out of your lemon and orange like a vampire squeezes brains for blood.

2. Put this in a big ziploc bag. Add your spices garlic and mint to the mix.

3. Put the lamb in the bag. Seal the bag and let everything marinate overnight. Don't forget to wake up at 3 A.M. to flip the bag over!

Cooking:

1. Chop your onion into thin strips. Try not to get onion tears because you may end up accidentally cutting your finger.

2. Chop your tomatoes into cubes. If your finger is bleeding, the blood will blend in with the tomatoes. (Don't let this happen. Get a bandaid and antiseptic gel STAT.)

3. Cook your onions in a frying pan until they too are weeping. Then add your tomatoes and let the mixture stew for a short while. Your heat should be on medium high or something.

4. Add your lamb, marinade and all. When the juices start boiling, turn the heat down so everything stews.

5. Add about 2 packets of sugar. Or just add some sugar until your stew is not super sour anymore. Oh I forgot. Add some nice salt and pepper or else vampires will show up!

6. Let everything stew for a while until you think it's ready, about 10-15 minutes. You can either keep this liquidy or reduce your sauce.

7. Yummy! Tastes good!

Other things to try:

Add some red wine. This would taste very good.

Put in other spices, such as turmeric. I don't know, experiment.

If you are fancy, add saffron. Oh man, so delicious.

Use lamb shanks instead of chops. Or some cut of lamb that has connective tissue.

Make this with beef or chicken.

Make something entirely different.

Don't cut yourself with a knife. Ouch!

Experiments

2007-12-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

I bought some lamb, which is currently sitting in a marinade of my own invention. Tomorrow I'm going to cook lamb. If this works out, a new recipe will be up for the taking.

In other news, knives are stupid and my finger hurts.

Lame but True

2007-12-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Everybody who loves video games and Super Smash Brothers is excited about the new Super Smash coming out. You may even be excited about it. Do you have something in particular that you are especially anticipating? I do.

It's stickers.

Yes. I am excited about stickers. Fake stickers from a video game.

In Summation

2007-12-02T12:13:00.000-08:00

If you decide to emulate the Alex school of cookery, lob on the minced onions and ketchup.

If you so choose to demonstrate a refined, sensitive interest in cuisine, talk to my parents.

Even Better than Delicious

2007-12-02T03:01:00.000-08:00

Recipes for the Hardworking

Gnocchi

Gnocchi is actually super easy to make but cleaning potatoes off of every kitchen utensil you own is a pain in the buttocks, and I triple-hate washing dishes. Otherwise I would make it more often. I now only make it if I can coerce some poor sap into washing dishes for me.

4 baking potatoes

2 cups flour

1 egg

boiling salted water

parmesiano reggiano or some other melty delicious cheese

quality olive oil

fleur de sel for the utterly spoiled

maybe a drop of truffle oil if you are so inclined

1. Bake 'em potatoes nice an' ripe!

2. Let them cool off, then gut them (scrape out their insides)

3. Mash the insides or use a ricer, just make sure your potato mush has a smooth, even consistency, or else you will make potato flour egg lumps, not gnocchi.

4. On a flour'd surface, make a flour volcano out of about 1.75 cup of flour and crack an egg into the middle of it. Knead this together, and when somewhat mixed, add your potatoes. Knead this mixture, adding flour if too wet, until a nice dough is formed. DO NOT KNEAD FOR TOO LONG. You want your gnocchi to be somewhat heavy so when they are cooked, they will be creamy in texture.

5. Now make your dough into a long flour snake about .5 inch wide. You can divide it into two parts if your snake is getting out of control. Chop that snake in half! YEAH.

6. That step was getting out of hand so here's a new one. Chop your snake into nice .5 inch shapes and score those shapes with a fork. This helps your cheese/sauce stay on when you are eating your gnocchi.

7. Immediately dump your finished gnocchi into your pot of boiling water and let them cook for 2-3 minutes, or until they are bobbing like boiled heads in an ocean of oil. Scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and add some cheese, oils, whatever. Don't add too much though. Eat this immediately and don't leave any leftovers because it won't taste good the next day.

Notes: If you like, you can serve your gnocchi with a light sauce. I recommend either a porcini mushroom or leek reduction sauce to give your gnocchi a slight hint of flavor without overpowering the taste of the gnocchi itself. Perhaps even a small dollop of homemade pesto, but not too much. Don't serve your homemade gnocchi with a strong-flavored sauce because you really want the taste and texture of the gnocchi to stand out. My favorite would be the leek reduction sauce, because it utilizes a technique I call "simmering the shit out of leeks" whereupon one simmers leeks in heavy cream and some olive oil for hours upon hours until the leeks are basically flavorless pieces of fiber and the cream has a delicate aroma of... leeks. Then you throw away your fiber and leave the cream and oil. Wow, I just gave you guys two recipes in one.

Delicious

2007-12-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

Recipes for the Lazy

by Alex

Fake Risotto

1/2 can cream corn

leftover rice

1 chopped onion

assorted veggies

and egg OR

cheapass meat

sugar

salt

soy sauce

1. Stir-fry the onions until they are nice and brown

2. If you have cheapass meat, cook that until it is browned on the outside, then set aside.

3. Add your leftover rice. Cook it for a while.

4. Add the cream corn. Cook it and let the liquid get absorbed/evaporated.

5. Add your veggies. If they take a while to cook, add them while the cream corn is still 'vaporating.

6. Add your cooked cheapass meat. Or scramble your eggs in the pan if you have eggs. Nuke 'em til done.

7. Add your seasonings to taste. You can even add curry if you so wish.

Rice Cooker Noodles

Instant Noodles

Whatever else you like

1. This is really easy. Just use your rice cooker to boil some water and cook your dumb noodles.

Easy Soup

Some amount of chicken broth

small amount of uncooked rice

Green seasoning veggie like green onions or cilantro

Bits of leftover meat

Nice Veggies

salt and pepper to taste

1. Tie your gross green crap together in a bundle so you can fish it out and throw it away later. Or not if you actually like that crap.

2. Pour everything together in a big pot. Make sure there is a lot more broth than rice. Don't put in that much rice. The rice is only there to make this seem filling.

3. Boil the crap out of it until the rice is soggy and lumpy and cooked.

4. I told you this was easy soup.

"American" Fried Crap

leftover fried rice/noodles

ketchup

a lot of onions

1. Mix everything together in a microwaveable bowl.

2. Nuke it until it's done

3. It's American because of the ketchup.

Fake Spaghetti

boiled noodles of any kind

ketchup

chopped onions

chopped tomatoes

whatever you like in your sauce (preferably leftovers)

seasonings.

1. Stir-fry your onions until browned.

2. Add in the chopped tomatoes and stir-fry until not raw.

3. Add in what you like in your sauce. Cook it until hot.

4. Add a bunch of ketchup.

5. Add your boiled noodles and toss them with your crappy sauce.

6. This spaghetti is the Chinese version of Western food. Its analogue would be the Western version of Chinese food. Both are completely misguided yet somehow tasty.

Important Question

2007-12-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

You guys, what hand do you drink your drinks with? I am left-handed and use my right hand to drink juice, water, tea, milk tea, boba tea, and tea tea. Please tell me what your handedness is, as well as your preferred drinking hand.