Four Restaurant (sort of) Reviews

Cha Chaan Tengs are a part of everyone's life. They serve food at all hours. Breakfast! Lunch! Tea! Dinner! Midnight bum snack! Cha chaan tengs are great! Here is a review of four of them.

Noriega

ABC Bakery and Cafe

My least favorite. Low quality food combined with a milk tea that grates the teeth. Their beef is rangy, and most of their dishes taste somewhat strange and grainy. Their prices are somewhat higher than the alternatives on Noriega, so skip this place if anthing else is open. Only go here if you are in need of a very late night snack because they are open until three in the morning. At three in the morning, nobody cares what food tastes like. Their chestnut buns are not very chestnutty, but nobody in the world makes decent chestnut desserts, except for the grumpy old man in London.

Tak Kee (De Ji in Mandarin)

I go here every week. Their breakfasts are a deal and a steal, and their teatime snacks are more like a teatime meal, especially the soup noodles. Food quality is pretty high, and they have an decent traditional Chinese menu. I like their milk tea because it actually tastes like tea, and it is always hotter than the sun. Plus they are super inexpensive. Great! excellent. This is a decent cha chaan teng for everyday meals and take-out. Their porridge is pretty good too (but not as good as the old place downtown). Convenient, tasty, and inexpensive. 

Irving

Macau Something or Other

I don't remember the exact name of this tiny cafe, but I was not impressed. First, they are closed for teatime hours. Second, their food is not very exciting. It's better than ABC (doesn't taste nasty) but everything is bland bland bland and overpriced (compared to other cha chaan tengs). I didn't get a chance to try their milk tea, but I'm not going back to try it. Not worth the trip. Even if they have sardines. Mmmm... sardines.

Taraval

T-28

The best out of all the cha chaan tengs I've tried. I've only been here twice, but I always want to go here. Good quality (their baked seafood rice had actual mussels in it!) and large portions. Their milk tea is very good, and their set menu includes dessert as well. Mango pudding, anyone? Although T-28 has prices approximate the ones at ABC, the quality of their food totally makes up for that. Only problem: Taraval is way far away (from where I am). Great for those times when you don't want to eat downtown and are too hungry to wait for the N train. They also have the largest selection of porky buns I have seen.

Extra segment: Favorite dishes at cha chaan tengs

Anything with ox tongue/ox tail

Baked seafood rice, even though it gives me lactose stummy ache

Milk tea (duh)

Macaroni soup

Things with fried eggs on top

Eggplants eggplants egg-plants

I Am Superstitious

So there has to be a fourteenth entry STAT.

I decided there should be some real content here, so some talk about "pataphors." I just realized that about everything I say in public is a pataphor. (I make more sense in writing because I can press the "delete" key. Those of you that see me in person know that my brain sometimes (always) goes into some weird dimension where owls have beards and cats can wear underwear too. ) Two degrees of separation from reality? You bet! 

Comparison between metaphor and pataphor:

Metaphor- Her eyes glistened like a duck's back.

Pataphor- Her eyes glistened, the back of the brown duck at William Puff's pond. The duck was searching for bread crumbs thrown by the tourist Saline Brunsby. Saline had bought an entire loaf of discount Wonderbread at the ol' seven and seven just across the street for the express purpose of throwing to the ducks and occasional goose. The geese and ducks did not like each other, and engaged in waterfowl play. (ohhhh bad pun alert!) Saline did not enjoy avian violence, so she tried to limit her bread-throwing activities to areas populated by only ducks. Sometimes, a rowboat would appear and the waterfowl would scatter while Saline waved to the occupants. It was a nice day. 

This is a daily occurrence in Alex Land. Please try not to move there.