Dinner Crepes

So yesterday (it's almost five A.M., which means I ate dinner yesterday) I had crepes for dinner! This was a very intelligent and healthy move because the crepes were homemade and filled with oranges. Ignore the part where the crepes were also eaten with a huge amount of chocolate chips and ice cream. Crepes are a healthy choice for dinner! They are also very easy to make, so no recipe this time because there are plenty online and I didn't do anything special. Plus Colton makes MUCH better crepes than I do. Colton's Crepes: delicious, not lumpy, cooked to perfection. Oh yummy.

Next time on "Crepes for Dinner"-

Add some lemon zest

Add the wet ingredients to the flour, not vice versa (lumps)

Savory crepes (too lazy to defrost and fry sausages)(that sounds dirty)

This will not happen today because PARENTS are coming and according to father, we are going to Burger King for dinner (lies, dad hates fast food and is actually Alan Greenspan). (I am also up earlier than five A.M. because parents are coming and I was so excited I couldn't sleep (this has happened before, see Christmas and birthdays and any exciting event).) Saturday sounds like a good day for dinner crepes. This time, they will be savory crepes, with sausages and onions and garlic. 

Vegetable Questions

Another Alex survey! This time, the survey is all about vegetable eating habits. What type of cooked vegetable do you prefer: crunchier vegetables or mushier vegetables? This is important because sometimes two people will like opposing vegetable textures, and you should know beforehand so nobody will get hurt. 

So, crunchy or mushy? Please respond in the comments. I like mushy vegetables.

Lamp Recipe

I made a typo, but it's funny so it stays. 

And yes, NYU, there are Asian lamb recipes, but they are hard to find. Examples: lamb stirfry with loads of onion, Cantonese lamb stew, I can't think of any others. 

I was originally going to make Chinese lamb, but I got derailed. But here is the fun lamb recipe. It turned out well!

3 chops of lamb, cut into small pieces

1 onion

3 small roma tomatoes

Some amount of fresh mint

1 tsp of ground cinnamon

2 tsp of basil

1/2 lemon

1 orange

1 clove garlic

cooking oil

sugar!

Marinade:

1. Squeeze the juices out of your lemon and orange like a vampire squeezes brains for blood.

2. Put this in a big ziploc bag. Add your spices garlic and mint to the mix.

3. Put the lamb in the bag. Seal the bag and let everything marinate overnight. Don't forget to wake up at 3 A.M. to flip the bag over!

Cooking:

1. Chop your onion into thin strips. Try not to get onion tears because you may end up accidentally cutting your finger.

2. Chop your tomatoes into cubes. If your finger is bleeding, the blood will blend in with the tomatoes. (Don't let this happen. Get a bandaid and antiseptic gel STAT.)

3. Cook your onions in a frying pan until they too are weeping. Then add your tomatoes and let the mixture stew for a short while. Your heat should be on medium high or something.

4. Add your lamb, marinade and all. When the juices start boiling, turn the heat down so everything stews.

5. Add about 2 packets of sugar. Or just add some sugar until your stew is not super sour anymore. Oh I forgot. Add some nice salt and pepper or else vampires will show up!

6. Let everything stew for a while until you think it's ready, about 10-15 minutes. You can either keep this liquidy or reduce your sauce.

7. Yummy! Tastes good! 

Other things to try: 

Add some red wine. This would taste very good. 

Put in other spices, such as turmeric. I don't know, experiment.

If you are fancy, add saffron. Oh man, so delicious.

Use lamb shanks instead of chops. Or some cut of lamb that has connective tissue.

Make this with beef or chicken.

Make something entirely different.

Don't cut yourself with a knife. Ouch!

Experiments

I bought some lamb, which is currently sitting in a marinade of my own invention. Tomorrow I'm going to cook lamb. If this works out, a new recipe will be up for the taking.

In other news, knives are stupid and my finger hurts.

In Summation

If you decide to emulate the Alex school of cookery, lob on the minced onions and ketchup.

If you so choose to demonstrate a refined, sensitive interest in cuisine, talk to my parents.

Even Better than Delicious

Recipes for the Hardworking

Gnocchi

Gnocchi is actually super easy to make but cleaning potatoes off of every kitchen utensil you own is a pain in the buttocks, and I triple-hate washing dishes. Otherwise I would make it more often. I now only make it if I can coerce some poor sap into washing dishes for me.

4 baking potatoes

2 cups flour

1 egg

boiling salted water

parmesiano reggiano or some other melty delicious cheese

quality olive oil

fleur de sel for the utterly spoiled

maybe a drop of truffle oil if you are so inclined

1. Bake 'em potatoes nice an' ripe!

2. Let them cool off, then gut them (scrape out their insides)

3. Mash the insides or use a ricer, just make sure your potato mush has a smooth, even consistency, or else you will make potato flour egg lumps, not gnocchi.

4. On a flour'd surface, make a flour volcano out of about 1.75 cup of flour and crack an egg into the middle of it. Knead this together, and when somewhat mixed, add your potatoes. Knead this mixture, adding flour if too wet, until a nice dough is formed. DO NOT KNEAD FOR TOO LONG. You want your gnocchi to be somewhat heavy so when they are cooked, they will be creamy in texture.

5. Now make your dough into a long flour snake about .5 inch wide. You can divide it into two parts if your snake is getting out of control. Chop that snake in half! YEAH. 

6. That step was getting out of hand so here's a new one. Chop your snake into nice .5 inch shapes and score those shapes with a fork. This helps your cheese/sauce stay on when you are eating your gnocchi. 

7. Immediately dump your finished gnocchi into your pot of boiling water and let them cook for 2-3 minutes, or until they are bobbing like boiled heads in an ocean of oil. Scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and add some cheese, oils, whatever. Don't add too much though. Eat this immediately and don't leave any leftovers because it won't taste good the next day.

Notes: If you like, you can serve your gnocchi with a light sauce. I recommend either a porcini mushroom or leek reduction sauce to give your gnocchi a slight hint of flavor without overpowering the taste of the gnocchi itself. Perhaps even a small dollop of homemade pesto, but not too much. Don't serve your homemade gnocchi with a strong-flavored sauce because you really want the taste and texture of the gnocchi to stand out. My favorite would be the leek reduction sauce, because it utilizes a technique I call "simmering the shit out of leeks" whereupon one simmers leeks in heavy cream and some olive oil for hours upon hours until the leeks are basically flavorless pieces of fiber and the cream has a delicate aroma of... leeks. Then you throw away your fiber and leave the cream and oil. Wow, I just gave you guys two recipes in one. 

Delicious

Recipes for the Lazy

by Alex

Fake Risotto

1/2 can cream corn

leftover rice

1  chopped onion

assorted veggies

and egg OR

cheapass meat

sugar

salt

soy sauce

1. Stir-fry the onions until they are nice and brown

2. If you have cheapass meat, cook that until it is browned on the outside, then set aside.

3. Add your leftover rice. Cook it for a while.

4. Add the cream corn. Cook it and let the liquid get absorbed/evaporated.

5. Add your veggies. If they take a while to cook, add them while the cream corn is still 'vaporating.

6. Add your cooked cheapass meat. Or scramble your eggs in the pan if you have eggs. Nuke 'em til done.

7. Add your seasonings to taste. You can even add curry if you so wish. 

Rice Cooker Noodles

Instant Noodles

Whatever else you like

1. This is really easy. Just use your rice cooker to boil some water and cook your dumb noodles.

Easy Soup

Some amount of chicken broth

small amount of uncooked rice

Green seasoning veggie like green onions or cilantro

Bits of leftover meat

Nice Veggies

salt and pepper to taste

1. Tie your gross green crap together in a bundle so you can fish it out and throw it away later. Or not if you actually like that crap.

2. Pour everything together in a big pot. Make sure there is a lot more broth than rice. Don't put in that much rice. The rice is only there to make this seem filling.

3. Boil the crap out of it until the rice is soggy and lumpy and cooked.

4. I told you this was easy soup.

"American" Fried Crap

leftover fried rice/noodles

ketchup

a lot of onions 

1. Mix everything together in a microwaveable bowl.

2. Nuke it until it's done

3. It's American because of the ketchup.

Fake Spaghetti

boiled noodles of any kind

ketchup

chopped onions

chopped tomatoes

whatever you like in your sauce (preferably leftovers)

seasonings.

1. Stir-fry your onions until browned.

2. Add in the chopped tomatoes and stir-fry until not raw.

3. Add in what you like in your sauce. Cook it until hot.

4. Add a bunch of ketchup.

5. Add your boiled noodles and toss them with your crappy sauce.

6. This spaghetti is the Chinese version of Western food. Its analogue would be the Western version of Chinese food. Both are completely misguided yet somehow tasty.