Vacation Time

It's vacation time, and what better place to spend it than my aunt and uncle's house filled with random things! Pictures coming soon.

I Am Superstitious

So there has to be a fourteenth entry STAT.

I decided there should be some real content here, so some talk about "pataphors." I just realized that about everything I say in public is a pataphor. (I make more sense in writing because I can press the "delete" key. Those of you that see me in person know that my brain sometimes (always) goes into some weird dimension where owls have beards and cats can wear underwear too. ) Two degrees of separation from reality? You bet! 

Comparison between metaphor and pataphor:

Metaphor- Her eyes glistened like a duck's back.

Pataphor- Her eyes glistened, the back of the brown duck at William Puff's pond. The duck was searching for bread crumbs thrown by the tourist Saline Brunsby. Saline had bought an entire loaf of discount Wonderbread at the ol' seven and seven just across the street for the express purpose of throwing to the ducks and occasional goose. The geese and ducks did not like each other, and engaged in waterfowl play. (ohhhh bad pun alert!) Saline did not enjoy avian violence, so she tried to limit her bread-throwing activities to areas populated by only ducks. Sometimes, a rowboat would appear and the waterfowl would scatter while Saline waved to the occupants. It was a nice day. 

This is a daily occurrence in Alex Land. Please try not to move there. 

T.V. Guide Sitcom Summary of My Life

Alex's Life- Comedy

Alex gets addicted to milk tea and cannot stop drinking it. Meanwhile, Grebenna hides her guinea pigs in a fridge for the winter.

Economics Time-Game

Can you study for economics in time for the big final? With host Gralex Chewin.

Love, Love, Love- Comedy/Drama

All's fair in love and Connect 4. Five friends discuss the turmoil within their hearts. Can Gramie find love overseas without getting tangled in bracelets?

Cat's Hour-Children

We love cats! Pictures of cats for hours upon hours.

Singin' Time

Sing along with the crew! Grarwen, Gronnie, and Gralvin lead the Fun Time Crew during this half-hour of hit tunes and groovy jams.

Hawaiiiiiiiiiiii-Documentary

Everybody loves Hawaii! Say "Aloha" to Grolton, Gralvin, and Greebo as they surf the sights and sounds of the "Watery State of Hell."

3 A.M. Countertenor Hour

Hey guys, it's Countertenor Hour! That is to say, I will be posting a ton of videos about countertenors. What's that you say? You don't like countertenors? Shame on you. 

To start off, here's a video of Russell Oberlin talking about countertenors. I think it's interesting, but if you are a music major, you will not agree with anything, as evidenced by the comments on the page.

Additionally, I think the comments on these classical music videos are the most intelligent Youtube comments ever. Not an impressive label, but I mean, in one video, two guys DO NOT HAVE A FLAME WAR over the issue of Glenn Gough's pianos. That is like watching a bear and a salmon being friends and drinking tea together. It Never Happens.

Next up, here's the video with Russell Oberlin and Glenn Gough. 

Glenn Gough is so funny! Just look at him (glenn) gough! My puns are awesome, and you should agree. Oh wait, my puns are horrible. 

Here is Alfred Deller singing Purcell. I think he got frozen because he doesn't move in this video, just sits there and gazes into the distance with melancholic eyes. What's wrong, Mr. Deller? Your voice is too high? You fell in a vat of liquid nitrogen? You can sing through your nose? Or are you allergic to roses?

Hmmm, I think I like Deller better, but it may just be the recording. Yeah, it's the recording. 

This next dude is no pro, but I put this in because I sang the same aria before. Haha, look, a BOY can sing better than I do. I should get back into singing. Ugh. Word of advice: if you stop singing, at least do vocal excercises every day so when you start singing again you don't sound like a banshee. Yucks. 

Yeah, not the greatest performance in the world (needs work on high notes) but it's not bad! Keep up your singing, unknown person. With practice, you'll have a nice countertenor voice. 

I like this video! It's nice to see a professional singer practicing with a teacher. I have to say, the voice is an evil music "instrument." So easily screwed up, so easily out of tune, so easily accidentally filled with a chunk of tuna that makes you cough. 

 

Oopsies, he made a screechy noise! 

Dear Andreas Scholl STOP Will you please marry me STOP

So smooth. People, nobody needs flashy coloratura sopranos when you can have bespectacled COUNTERTENORS. He looks like a tall owl penguin that can sing. 

Andreas Scholl, I apologize for being fickle, but I am a fan of this dude's vibrato. The control! David Daniels is a man who has won an award for looking like a lil' owl. 

People, it's time for a Countertenor Showdown.

Here's Scholl singing "Va Tacito."

Here's Daniels singing "Venti Turbini."

Oh what the heck, they both win. Both of these productions are totally crazy anyways. Julius Caesar with paramilitary troops? A man singing to a shoe? Opera, you are weird. 

And now for something different: Baritone and Soprano!

 

The real reason I put this up: I kinda want to own and wear that orange dress to a fancy ball. 

Penultimate Post

So cute! So delightful! Doesn't it make you happy? Me too. 

Last, another countertenor. But what is this?

Russian Pop? What, this is stupid. (No it's not. Vitas needs to grow his hair out again. Looks better with hair. Jamie you suck for making me listen to this.) I feel sorry for the fish.

Thank you for tuning in to Countertenor Hour. If you don't like countertenors, you probably hate me now. If you actually watched every single video to the end, you really like countertenors, opera, or both. Except maybe the last one. Russian pop?

Vegetable Questions

Another Alex survey! This time, the survey is all about vegetable eating habits. What type of cooked vegetable do you prefer: crunchier vegetables or mushier vegetables? This is important because sometimes two people will like opposing vegetable textures, and you should know beforehand so nobody will get hurt. 

So, crunchy or mushy? Please respond in the comments. I like mushy vegetables.

Lamp Recipe

I made a typo, but it's funny so it stays. 

And yes, NYU, there are Asian lamb recipes, but they are hard to find. Examples: lamb stirfry with loads of onion, Cantonese lamb stew, I can't think of any others. 

I was originally going to make Chinese lamb, but I got derailed. But here is the fun lamb recipe. It turned out well!

3 chops of lamb, cut into small pieces

1 onion

3 small roma tomatoes

Some amount of fresh mint

1 tsp of ground cinnamon

2 tsp of basil

1/2 lemon

1 orange

1 clove garlic

cooking oil

sugar!

Marinade:

1. Squeeze the juices out of your lemon and orange like a vampire squeezes brains for blood.

2. Put this in a big ziploc bag. Add your spices garlic and mint to the mix.

3. Put the lamb in the bag. Seal the bag and let everything marinate overnight. Don't forget to wake up at 3 A.M. to flip the bag over!

Cooking:

1. Chop your onion into thin strips. Try not to get onion tears because you may end up accidentally cutting your finger.

2. Chop your tomatoes into cubes. If your finger is bleeding, the blood will blend in with the tomatoes. (Don't let this happen. Get a bandaid and antiseptic gel STAT.)

3. Cook your onions in a frying pan until they too are weeping. Then add your tomatoes and let the mixture stew for a short while. Your heat should be on medium high or something.

4. Add your lamb, marinade and all. When the juices start boiling, turn the heat down so everything stews.

5. Add about 2 packets of sugar. Or just add some sugar until your stew is not super sour anymore. Oh I forgot. Add some nice salt and pepper or else vampires will show up!

6. Let everything stew for a while until you think it's ready, about 10-15 minutes. You can either keep this liquidy or reduce your sauce.

7. Yummy! Tastes good! 

Other things to try: 

Add some red wine. This would taste very good. 

Put in other spices, such as turmeric. I don't know, experiment.

If you are fancy, add saffron. Oh man, so delicious.

Use lamb shanks instead of chops. Or some cut of lamb that has connective tissue.

Make this with beef or chicken.

Make something entirely different.

Don't cut yourself with a knife. Ouch!

Experiments

I bought some lamb, which is currently sitting in a marinade of my own invention. Tomorrow I'm going to cook lamb. If this works out, a new recipe will be up for the taking.

In other news, knives are stupid and my finger hurts.

Lame but True

Everybody who loves video games and Super Smash Brothers is excited about the new Super Smash coming out. You may even be excited about it. Do you have something in particular that you are especially anticipating? I do.

It's stickers.

Yes. I am excited about stickers. Fake stickers from a video game. 

In Summation

If you decide to emulate the Alex school of cookery, lob on the minced onions and ketchup.

If you so choose to demonstrate a refined, sensitive interest in cuisine, talk to my parents.

Even Better than Delicious

Recipes for the Hardworking

Gnocchi

Gnocchi is actually super easy to make but cleaning potatoes off of every kitchen utensil you own is a pain in the buttocks, and I triple-hate washing dishes. Otherwise I would make it more often. I now only make it if I can coerce some poor sap into washing dishes for me.

4 baking potatoes

2 cups flour

1 egg

boiling salted water

parmesiano reggiano or some other melty delicious cheese

quality olive oil

fleur de sel for the utterly spoiled

maybe a drop of truffle oil if you are so inclined

1. Bake 'em potatoes nice an' ripe!

2. Let them cool off, then gut them (scrape out their insides)

3. Mash the insides or use a ricer, just make sure your potato mush has a smooth, even consistency, or else you will make potato flour egg lumps, not gnocchi.

4. On a flour'd surface, make a flour volcano out of about 1.75 cup of flour and crack an egg into the middle of it. Knead this together, and when somewhat mixed, add your potatoes. Knead this mixture, adding flour if too wet, until a nice dough is formed. DO NOT KNEAD FOR TOO LONG. You want your gnocchi to be somewhat heavy so when they are cooked, they will be creamy in texture.

5. Now make your dough into a long flour snake about .5 inch wide. You can divide it into two parts if your snake is getting out of control. Chop that snake in half! YEAH. 

6. That step was getting out of hand so here's a new one. Chop your snake into nice .5 inch shapes and score those shapes with a fork. This helps your cheese/sauce stay on when you are eating your gnocchi. 

7. Immediately dump your finished gnocchi into your pot of boiling water and let them cook for 2-3 minutes, or until they are bobbing like boiled heads in an ocean of oil. Scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and add some cheese, oils, whatever. Don't add too much though. Eat this immediately and don't leave any leftovers because it won't taste good the next day.

Notes: If you like, you can serve your gnocchi with a light sauce. I recommend either a porcini mushroom or leek reduction sauce to give your gnocchi a slight hint of flavor without overpowering the taste of the gnocchi itself. Perhaps even a small dollop of homemade pesto, but not too much. Don't serve your homemade gnocchi with a strong-flavored sauce because you really want the taste and texture of the gnocchi to stand out. My favorite would be the leek reduction sauce, because it utilizes a technique I call "simmering the shit out of leeks" whereupon one simmers leeks in heavy cream and some olive oil for hours upon hours until the leeks are basically flavorless pieces of fiber and the cream has a delicate aroma of... leeks. Then you throw away your fiber and leave the cream and oil. Wow, I just gave you guys two recipes in one. 

Delicious

Recipes for the Lazy

by Alex

Fake Risotto

1/2 can cream corn

leftover rice

1  chopped onion

assorted veggies

and egg OR

cheapass meat

sugar

salt

soy sauce

1. Stir-fry the onions until they are nice and brown

2. If you have cheapass meat, cook that until it is browned on the outside, then set aside.

3. Add your leftover rice. Cook it for a while.

4. Add the cream corn. Cook it and let the liquid get absorbed/evaporated.

5. Add your veggies. If they take a while to cook, add them while the cream corn is still 'vaporating.

6. Add your cooked cheapass meat. Or scramble your eggs in the pan if you have eggs. Nuke 'em til done.

7. Add your seasonings to taste. You can even add curry if you so wish. 

Rice Cooker Noodles

Instant Noodles

Whatever else you like

1. This is really easy. Just use your rice cooker to boil some water and cook your dumb noodles.

Easy Soup

Some amount of chicken broth

small amount of uncooked rice

Green seasoning veggie like green onions or cilantro

Bits of leftover meat

Nice Veggies

salt and pepper to taste

1. Tie your gross green crap together in a bundle so you can fish it out and throw it away later. Or not if you actually like that crap.

2. Pour everything together in a big pot. Make sure there is a lot more broth than rice. Don't put in that much rice. The rice is only there to make this seem filling.

3. Boil the crap out of it until the rice is soggy and lumpy and cooked.

4. I told you this was easy soup.

"American" Fried Crap

leftover fried rice/noodles

ketchup

a lot of onions 

1. Mix everything together in a microwaveable bowl.

2. Nuke it until it's done

3. It's American because of the ketchup.

Fake Spaghetti

boiled noodles of any kind

ketchup

chopped onions

chopped tomatoes

whatever you like in your sauce (preferably leftovers)

seasonings.

1. Stir-fry your onions until browned.

2. Add in the chopped tomatoes and stir-fry until not raw.

3. Add in what you like in your sauce. Cook it until hot.

4. Add a bunch of ketchup.

5. Add your boiled noodles and toss them with your crappy sauce.

6. This spaghetti is the Chinese version of Western food. Its analogue would be the Western version of Chinese food. Both are completely misguided yet somehow tasty.

Important Question

You guys, what hand do you drink your drinks with? I am left-handed and use my right hand to drink juice, water, tea, milk tea, boba tea, and tea tea. Please tell me what your handedness is, as well as your preferred drinking hand.